A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted release. He inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to go to 225 West 42nd St.
By mistake, he went to 255 West 42nd St, the office of a podiatrist. Being met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform surprised but intrigued him. She directed him to an examining room and told him to uncover and someone would be with him soon.
He loved the thought of the table and the reclining chair and was really getting aroused because of the strange and different approach this house offered.
Finally the doctor's assistant, a really gorgeous redhead entered and found him sitting in the chair with his generous member in his hand.
"My goodness", she exclaimed, "I was expecting to see a foot."
"Well," he said, "if you're going to complain about an inch then I'll take my business elsewhere."
Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A. In the pages of a romance novel.
The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the "other man".
The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like manner.
He sent the following e-mail to his wife's lover:
Sir,
It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday next.
The "other man" was highly amused by the husband's formal manner and sent off the following reply at once:
Dear Sir,
I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the scheduled conference in your Office's auditorium.
A long time resident of San Francisco is packing all his stuff into boxes. His roommate comes in & asks what he's doing. "I'm leaving!" he replies. "They just
made homosexuality legal."
"So why leave now?" queries his roomie. "Gays have been part of the scene here for years and years."
"Yeah, I know." he replied. "I'm getting the hell out of here before the they make it compulsory."
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man.
"What are you doing!" he shouted.
To which his wife said to her lover "See, I told you he was stupid"...
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help
eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Q.Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A.Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q.Why do men pass gas more than women?
A.Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q.How many men does it take to open a beer?
A.None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
Q.What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A.Pregnant.
One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what? I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!"
The other replies: "GREAT trade!"
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
Most accidents happen at home. And the men have to eat them!
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent... Wedding cake!
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses.
"Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to do the same."
"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow."
An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said "I want to know the person you hate the most"
The explorer said "That's gotta be my ex-wife. Why?"
"I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever you wish for your ex-wife will get double the amount."
"OK, I wish for a billion dollars"
"Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion"
"I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything"
"Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish"
The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with a stick and said "Ya see this stick, I'd like you to beat me half to death."
