Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says "When did you start wearing them?"
To which the other man replies "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."
A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static," she says.
"Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" the clerk replies.
"Head Cleaner" Mary replies.
Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated."
Doc says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation."
Fred: "Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it?"
Doc says, "Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I don't understand it, but OK."
He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up.
"Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks.
"It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to be circumcised, and I hope you don't mind my..."
"CIRCUMCISED!" yells Fred. "THAT'S the word!!!"
They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa.
It's called GenItalia...
Have you heard about the recent survey on cigarettes which found that 90% of the men that tried Camels still prefer women.
Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?"
"Take jewlery to city and sell it," was the response.
"What have you got for collateral?"
"Don't know collateral."
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan.Have you got any vehicles?"
"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"
"Yes, I have a horse."
"How old is it?"
"Don't know, has no teeth."
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.
"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"
"Put in teepee."
"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.
"Don't know deposit."
"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."
The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"
A gent spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name.
"Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself, she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting, why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "What's your name?"
"Beerfuck"...
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down nails away, that his friend came over.
"Eh, what you doing? How come you're throwing away all those nails?" he asked.
"Because they're upside down," the friend replied.
The other guy looks at the friend, then, after some thought, says, "You Idiot, save them for the ceiling!"
