You don't know kudzu from kung fu.
You enjoy living in filth.
The only kind of grass you've seen is the kind you smoke.
You prefer Bruce Springsteen to Bocephus.
The thought of eating scrapple doesn't turn your stomach.
You talk real fast and charm real slow.
You think smog is a sky color.
You think all cars are yellow and have a light on top.
You think barbecue is a verb, not a noun.
Your momma spends more time in hockey locker rooms than your father's bedroom.
You think okra is a talk show host.
You can be surrounded by crime and "didn't see a thing!!"
You didn't know chickens laid eggs and cows produced milk.
You waste large amounts of money on a date, when all you had to do was ask.
You think Skoal is a form of punishment.
You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
You don't know what a moon pie is.
You've never had grain alcohol.
You've never, ever, eaten okra.
You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
You have no idea what a polecat is.
You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
You don't have bangs.
You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
You call binoculars opera glasses.
You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
You don't know what applique is.
You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean)
You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
You've never been to a craft show.
You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
You can't do your laundry without quarters.
None of your fur coats are homemade.
Read all jokes from:Redneck (+1459)
