Laundromat: Automatic washing machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out
London department store: Bargain basement upstairs
In an office: To the person who took the stepladder yesterday, please bring it back or further steps will be taken
Outside a farm: Horse manure per pre-packed bag Do-it-yourself
In an office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board
On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)
Outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything - Bicycles, washing machines, ect... Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
Sign outside a new town hall, which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.
Outside a photographer's studio: Out to lunch: If not back by five, out for dinner also
On the side of a road: Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for the next 100 yrs.
Outside a disco: SMARTS is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome
A Hazard sign: QUICKSAND. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the district council.
Notice sent to residents of a parish: Due to increasing problems with letter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order
Notice in a dry cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of
Sign on motorway garage: Do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but out petrol is
Notice in health food shop window: Closed due to illness
Spotted in a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car
Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor
Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges
On a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - The bell doesn't work)
Sign at farm gate: Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left
A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: "Do not activate with wet hands."
Read all jokes from:Stories (+318)
