Moishe was sitting at the breakfast table one Sunday morning reading the News of the World. He had just read an article about a beautiful film star who had announced that she was going to marry a football player who was famous not only for his aggression on and off the field, but also for his lack of IQ and common sense. In fact he was 'thick as two planks'.
Like many men, Moishe loved hearing his own voice and liked to report aloud stories he read from the paper. So he turned to his wife Sadie and said, "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives."
Sadie replied, "Why thank you, darling!"
(#473) The shopping trip
It was a terrible evening in Golders Green. The wind was blowing hard, it was snowing and it was very, very cold. The streets were almost deserted and 'Bagels Bakery' was just about to shut when Sidney entered. He looked absolutely frozen. He was wearing two jumpers, a thick scarf and an even thicker coat. His umbrella had blown inside out and he looked thoroughly miserable.
As he unbuttoned his coat, he said to the baker, "Two bagels, please."
The baker looked surprised. "Only two? Don't you want anything else?"
"No. I only want two," Sidney replied. "One for Esther and one for me."
"Is Esther your wife?" asked the baker.
"Don't ask silly questions," replied Sidney, "Of course she is. Do you think my mother would send me out on a night like this?"
Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6996)
