* Although I am too proud to beg, and may appear to be a very independent creature, I ask for your loving care and attention.
Translation: I'm the boss, serve me.
* I rely on you for my well being much more than you may realise.
Translation: Go out and earn money to keep me in the style to which I intend to become accustomed.
* This I promise you, my benefactor, that I will not be a burden on you nor will I demand more of you than you care to give.
Translation: The more attention I get, the more I want. You may have to hire another slave for me (by the way, I lie!).
* I will be a quiet peaceful island of serenity for you to gaze upon; a soft soothing body to caress, and I shall purr with pleasure to rest your weary ears.
Translation: I will tear round the house smashing ornaments at 3 a.m., infest the house with fleas, and bite your mother when she comes to visit (did I mention that I lie?).
* Since I am a gourmet who appreciates different taste sensations, I pray you will give me a variety of nutritious foods and fresh water daily.
Translation: I need Evian water, changed at least six times per day, chilled but not too cold. Any food offerings that you make, no matter how expensive, will be turned down if I think there is a chance that I can scrounge the three day old bread that next door put out for the birds.
* You know dear friend, how I love to sleep. Allow me, I pray, a warm sheltered place where I can rest peacefully and feel secure.
Translation: Don't you dare wake me, I know where you sleep, and will get revenge - claw type bloody revenge!
* If I am wounded in battle or suffering from disease, please tend me gently, and see that I am treated by loving and competent hands.
Translation: I reserve the right to mangle the most expensive hands you hire to treat me.
* Please protect me from the inhuman humans who would hurt and torture me for their own amusement. I am accustomed to your gentle touch and am not always suspicious nor swift enough to avoid such malicious acts.
Translation: If you ever find out that it was me who bit your mother's thumb and gave her tetanus, I'll have to claim that she woke me up when I was having a bad dream.
* In my later years when my senses fail me and my infirmities become to great to bear, allow me the comfort and dignity that I desire for my closing days and help me gently in my pain or passing.
Translation: When I've had enough of being pampered, please send me to my next reincarnation, where I look forward to being satisfactorily served once more.
* Hear this prayer, my dear friend, my fate depends on you.
Translation: I might just accept you as slave, if you behave yourself.
Read all jokes from:Cat (+695)
