You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
Neighbors borrow your tools.
People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did i wake you?"
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You wear black socks with sandals.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You go bowling without drinking.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You feel like the night before and didn't even go out.
A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge
Dialing long distance tires you out.
You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.
Everything hurts, and when it doesn't, it doesn't work.
Your little black book only contains names ending in MD.
You get winded playing chess.
You join a health club and don't go.
You're still chasing women, but can't remember why.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't fulfill.
You know all the answers but no one asks the questions.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You turn out the light for economic, not romantic reasons.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go.
Your knees buckle but your belt doesn't.
You're 17 around the neck, 43 around the waist and 100 around the golf course.
After painting the town red you have to take a nap before a 2nd coat.
A lot of room in the house, but none in the medicine cabinet.
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
You finally know your way around and don't feel like going.
Everything is farther away than it used to be and it's twice as far to the corner than it used to be and they've added a hill.
You give up running for the bus because it leaves much faster than it used to.
Stairs are much steeper than they used to be and they're using smaller print in the papers.
New clothes are getting smaller in the hips and waist.
Everyone speaks so low you can't hear them.
People are much younger than they were when you were their age, but people your age are older than your are.
You meet an old friend who has aged so much she doesn't recognize you.
Read all jokes from:Lists (+729), Over the Hill (+598)
