* Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
* Try to understand that the cat is from Venus, and I am from Mars.
* I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
* Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
* Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
* Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
* Always scoot before licking.
* Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
* January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31st: Re-live victory over the sock.
* I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
Read all jokes from:Dog (+335)
