What your grandmother told you
* If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
* If you don't eat, it will kill me.
* Never take a front-row seat at a bris.
* Always whisper the names of diseases.
* Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
* If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
* Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?
* Twenty percent off is a bargain; fifty percent off is a mitzvah.
* Wine needs to breathe so don't rush through the kiddish.
* Never pay retail.
* No one leaves a simcha hungry; but then no one leaves with a hangover.
* And what's so wrong with dry turkey?
* Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
* Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.
* Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
* A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6998)
