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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Actual ads from the Israeli Press

I've had it all: herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and four of the ten plagues. Now I'm ready to settle down. So where are all the nice Jewish men hiding?

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman.

Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write.

Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons. No baggage. No personality.

Are you the girl I spoke with at the kiddush after shul last week? You excused yourself to get more horseradish for your gefilte fish, but you never returned. How can I contact you again? (I was the one with the cholent stain on my tie).

Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles, havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.

80-year-old bubby, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male, under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can't I?

I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart to. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please.

Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.

Single Jewish woman, 29, into disco, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.

Orthodox woman with get, seeks man who got get, or can get get. Get it? I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.

Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important.

Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6998)


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