Dear Friend:
This letter is being sent to you because we know you are critically interested in your front lawn. The spring season will soon be upon us. This is a Fertilize Your Lawn Club and it will not cost you a cent to join. Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address at the top of the list and shit on their front lawn. You will not be the only one there, so do not feel embarrassed.
Remove the name at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom, then make five copies of this letter and send them to five of your friends who appreciate good lawns. You will not get any cash or checks, but within one week, if the chain is not broken, there will be 9,915 people shitting on your front lawn.Your reward will come later on this summer season when you have the greenest lawn in your neighborhood.
Mrs. Lucy Bowels
29 Bedpan Court
Mrs. Julie Crapp
236 Hershey Squirts Lane
Mr. Harry Butt
1422 Enema Drive
Mr. Smelly B. Hind
276 Diarrhea Way
Mrs. G. Howie Farts
69 Rectum Road
Mr. Bigger Movements
724 Runny Loose Lane
P.S. If you are constipated, please pass this along to your neighbor. DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN! One man didn't give a shit and lost his entire lawn.
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