* Hot Flashes
You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
* Night Sweats
The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed.
* Mood Swings
Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
* Memory Loss
You write post-it notes with your kid's names on them.
* Irritability
Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home," and your reply is, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie f**king Nelson."
* Sleeplessness
The phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
* Fatigue
You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.
* Mild Incontinence
You change your underwear after every sneeze.
* Sudden Weight Gain
You need the 'Jaws Of Life' to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant.
* Dryness
You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist.
* Female Hormone Deficiency
You take a sudden interest in"Wrestlemania".
* Hormone Therapy
You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales.
Read all jokes from:Men vs. Women (+5690)
