Your best pick-up line for women is written on your baseball cap.
Your best sofa came out of a Chevrolet.
Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.
Your biggest ambition in life is to "git thet big ole coon. The one what hangs "round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn... "
Your bike has a gun rack on it.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
Your birthday cake consisted of nothing but Twinkies.
Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your boots cost more than your wedding ring.
Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday, and you like it.
Your bridal veil was made of window screen.
Your bring a bar of soap to a public pool.
Your brother is your wife's favorite son.
Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather.
Your bumper sticker reads, "You're missing your cat, look in my treads. "
Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."
Your car alarm eats dog food.
Your car and its motor are more than ten feet apart.
Your car ashtray is so packed, you can't get it out.
Your car breaks down on the side of the road and you never go back to get it.
Your car burns more oil than gas.
Your car has more than three bumper stickers with the word jesus on them.
Your car has more than two exhaust pipes.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
Your car insurance deductible is higher than the value of your car.
Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color.
Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can't find it.
Your car stereo costs more than your car.
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
Your CB antenna on your truck doubles as your cane pole.
Your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting.
Your child's car seat is strapped down in the bed of your pick-up truck.
Your child's first pet was a chicken
Your children look more like your brothers-in-law than your husband you are worried that he might notice.
Your chili's secret ingredient comes from a bait shop.
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
Your Christmas tree has a deer stand in it.
Your Christmas tree is still up in February.
Your church has a "happy hour."
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
Your clawfoot bathtub has ever been unusable because your wife was using it as a brooder.
Your clawfoot bathtub sometimes serves as a hospital for injured fowl.
Your coat of arms features a tire iron.
Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
Your college graduation ceremony includes parallel parking an 18-wheeler.
Your computer don't work cuz the cat ate the mouse.
Your Computer has Winders 95 instead of Windows.
Your dad calls you "Chip" and walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Your dad guts one of the old TV's for another knick-knack shelf.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
Your dad pees on a rabbit's head while peeing off the back porch.
Your dad plays "the pull my finger" joke at family gatherings.
Your dad says, "Let's hit the road for dinner," and then grabs a shovel.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Your daddy handed out cigarettes the day you were born.
Your Daddy picks you up from school in a Swamp Buggy.
Your daddy's last words were "Hey ya'll look what I can do!"
Your daddy's legacy is a gun rack and Jerry Clower's autograph on a Stuckey's napkin.
Your dates regularly expect you to light their cigars.
Your daughter gets married before you do.
Your daughter thinks she a reincarnation of Xena because she has nightmares about her.
Your deceased hunting dog's tombstone is larger than your grandfather's.
Your deer rifle is worth more than the pickup truck you carry it in.
Your deer stand has a mailing address.
Your dishwasher consists of kids that you baby-sit.
Your divorce granted from first wife and your license to wed to your second wife is in the same newspaper.
Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
Your dog can open a beer can for you.
Your dog can smoke a cigarette.
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
Your dog can't watch you eat without getting sick.
Your dog crawls under the house and you have to take the wheels off to get him out!
Your dog goes "oink!"
Your dog has a litter of puppies on your living room floor and no one notices.
Your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.
Your dog has more teeth than you have.
Your dog is your alarm clock.
Your dog passes gas and you claim it.
Your dog rides in the front seat and your kids ride in the back.
Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
Your dog sits in the front seat and your wife sits in the back seat.
Your dog sleeps closer to you than your wife does.
Your dog wants you to be the girl tonight.
Your dog's collar costs more than the clothes you are wearing.
Your dog's shots are up to date but your children's aren't.
Your doghouse and your living room both have the same shag carpet.
Your dogs kill more animals than you do all hunting season.
Your driveway is two tire tracks with grass growing down the middle.
Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket-knife.
Your engine is duct-taped to your car.
Your entertainment center is a TV tray.
Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
Your excuse for missing your oldest sons grauation is, "Hell woman, you think the crappie bite like this all year?"
Your family gathers for Monday Night RAW.
Your family reuinions consist of ex-wives.
Your family reunion features a chewing tobacco spit-off.
Your family reunion is sponsored by a beer company.
Your family reunion was ruined "cause your daddy burnt the Spam
Your family tree does not fork.
Your family tree doesn't have any branches.
Your family's No. 1 enemy is revenuers.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
Your father marries someone with the same last name as yours.
Your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.
Your favorite cap says, "Babymaker."
Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
Your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.
Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.
Your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.
Your favorite event at a wedding is the spittin' contest.
Your favorite fishing hole has more car parts in it than a junk yard.
Your favorite fishing lure is TNT.
Your favorite fruit is chicken.
Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
Your favorite mixed drink includes Yoo-Hoo.
Your favorite NASCAR souvenir is the result of a wreck.
Your favorite night of the week is the night before trash day.
Your favorite place is your deerstand.
Your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it.
Your favorite restaurant has the word "eats" anywhere in the name.
Your favorite shoes were bought at a yard sale
Your favorite song has the name of a truck company in it.
Your favorite song is "Old McDonald"
Your favorite stick is your fishing pole.
Your favorite T-shirt is declared offensive in at least 13 states.
Your first bra was a Wonderbra.
Your first name consists of initials.
Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.
Your flyswatter gets more use than your toothbrush.
Your Fourth of July cookout has ever been ruined because someone got drunk and burned the Spam.
Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
Your Friday nights consist of lots of Budwieser and a mechanical bull.
Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.
Your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
Your front yard has any broken appliances in it.
Your front yard looks like a Toys R Us after a tornado.
Your garage is so full you can't park your car in it.
Your garbage man is confused about what stays and what goes.
Your gear shift lever is a pair of vise grips.
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
Your girl wears a dress that is strapless and a bra that is not.
Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents "Ma and Pa".
Your girlfriend thinks you're a real gentleman because you only scratch your crotch while playing softball.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
Your grandfather can sense a storm coming by a mysterious twitching in his knee.
Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
Your grandma can bench press a ruck axle.
Your grandma enters wet t-shrit contests.
Your grandma gives you a wedding present wrapped in Christmas paper.
Your Grandma keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
Your grandmother has ever stopped by the side of a highway to take a leak.
Your greatest accomplishment is the 10-pound turnip you grew.
Your guest bedroom is also your tool shed.
Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.
Your Gynecologist is Ernest.
Your hair is five times as long in the back as it is on top.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your Halloween jack-o-lantern has more teeth than your wife.
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
Your high school basketball game got rained out.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Your honeymoon was featured on true stories of the highway patrol.
Your horse can count higher than you.
Your horse wears shoes, but you don't.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
Your house feels a bit lonely when winter comes and the last fly dies.
Your house has a kickstand.
Your house has more miles on it than your car does.
Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.
Your houseplants aren't in pots.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
Your huntin' dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your husband is going out huntin and puts on urin and it turns you on.
Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.
Your idea of a 7-course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.
Your idea of a family cookout is the whole family gathering around the Chevy with the hood up.
Your idea of a fancy dessert is "moon pie ala mode".
Your idea of a luxury car is one that has the white fur covered seats in it.
Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".
Your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend at a tractor pull.
Your idea of camping in the woods is inviting the family over and pitching a couple of tents in the back yard.
Your idea of cleaning is throwing everything in the back yard.
Your idea of foreplay is, "Get in the truck, bitch!"
Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts.
Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite.
Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.
Your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.
Your idea of home security is keeping all the guns loaded.
Your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper.
Your idea of quality entertainment is a 12-pack and a fly-swatter.
Your idea of safe sex doesn't include anyone else.
Your idea of summer vacation is running through a sprinkler in the front yard.
Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Your idea of the newspaper is a 14-year-old copy of Dog Fancy.
Your idea of water conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday night.
Your john boat looks like your wife's pasta strainer
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Your kid calls you "Uncle Daddy".
Your kid learns to shoot a gun before he learns his alphabet.
Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.
Your kid's birth announcements include the phrase "rug rat."
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you had to see your maw run her car at the dirt track race.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
Your kids call your sister mom
Your kids can't go out for Hollween because there's nobody within walking distance to get candy from.
Your kids eat on the floor while your dogs eat at the table.
Your kids fall down in the house and get grass stains.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your kids hide the Easter eggs under cow patties.
Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.
Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
Your kids trip over the Christmas lights while hunting for Easter eggs.
Your kids' favorite bedtime story is "Curious George and the High Voltage Fence."
Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.
Your last keg party included a couple of 911 calls.
Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
Your lawn furniture was in your house last summer.
Your lawn mower gets better millage than your car.
Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife's car, but no blade.
Your lawn mower is a goat.
Your lawn tractor has a better paint job than your car.
Your life savings is buried in your back yard.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Your lips move while reading a stop sign.
Your living room furniture doubles as your camping gear.
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
Your local funeral home has a drive-thru.
Your local grocery store also has a few pool tables.
Your local newspaper has a front-page feature called "Cow of the Week."
Your local yellow pages have only 3 sections: places to get cigarettes, place to get liquor, and places to get bait.
Your mailbox holds up one end of your clothesline.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
Your mailing address includes the word "holler."
Your mama can back down a biker.
Your Mama has failed the 3rd. grade five times.
Your mama has more gadgets and accessories on her pickup truck than you do.
Your mama has more tattoos than you do.
Your mama keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Your mama saves aluminum foil.
Your mama spends more money fixing up her old trailer house than it cost to build a new brick home.
Your Mama yells, "Close the screen door boy, you're letting all the bugs out!"
Read all jokes from:Lists (+728), Redneck (+1458)
