* Thinks an income tax refund is a gift from the government.
* On seeing a light at the end of a tunnel, assumes it is a train.
* When given a compliment, always looks behind to see for whom it is intended.
* Knows the difference between the Northern Lights and a Northern Lite.
* Doesn't know anyone who owns a flag.
* Finds Kentucky Fried Chicken "a bit too spicy".
* Holds the world's record for telephone use, probably listening to "Don't hang up. Your call is important to us."
* Is constantly pulling himself up by the roots to see whether he is still growing.
* Will drive to an unemployment protest meeting in his Toyota.
* Is convinced that democracy involves keeping your opinions to yourself.
* In a restaurant, apologizes for not being ready to order at the waiter's convenience.
* Will travel across the border to buy cigarettes and return home for subsidized cancer therapy.
* Says "sorry" when you accidentally bump into him.
* Waits for the light to change before crossing a deserted intersection at 3 a.m.
* Takes as a signal for a standing ovation any two people who happen to be leaving during curtain calls.
* Believes the Free Trade Agreement is an agreement about free trade.
* Says "no big deal" to a sidewalk cyclist who's just knocked him down.
* Considers turning up the thermostat an integral part of foreplay.
* Says "no thanks" to a telemarketing tape.
* Never sits in someone else's seat, even if the ticket holder doesn't show.
* Says hi to anyone walking a dog.
* Goes to hot-tub parties where people wear bathing suits.
* Finds himself thinking about sending off to "Hinterland: Who's Who" for further information on the loon.
* Carries travelers checks in a money belt.
* Heartily proclaims, "Sure it's 38 below, but it's a dry cold."
* When he musters enough courage to buy a Rolex watch, wears it hidden under a long-sleeve shirt and an Eaton's suit.
Read all jokes from:Travel (+295)
