Penis study

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study. After $250,000.00 and 3 years of research, they concluded that it was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of $76.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him on the forehead.

Read all jokes from:Men vs. Women (+5690)

Penis study

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.

Read all jokes from:Sex (+4817)

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?

A well respected Doctor and his wife

A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical during intermission. A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body. She smiled and gushed, "Well, hello there Doc." and kept right on going.
After a moment's pause, the good doctor looked at his wife and said, "Don't worry dear, that's just a young lady I know professionally."
Without missing a beat, his wife asked, "Hers or Yours?"

Read all jokes from:Marriage (+786), Medical (+1843)

A well respected Doctor and his wife

Money

It can buy a House... But not a Home
It can buy a Bed... But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock... But not Time
It can buy you a Book... But not Knowledge
It can buy you Medicine... But not Health
It can buy you Sex... But not Love

So you see money isn't everything.
And it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend,
and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.
So send me all your money...
And I will suffer for you.
CASH ONLY PLEASE!!!

Read all jokes from:Financial (+1218)

Money

The night out

Moishe telephoned his wife Sadie. "Sadie, darling, I've got some good news. You know that Lloyd Webber musical you've always wanted to see?"
"Yes."
"Well, I've just bought us two tickets to see it."
"Oh Moishe, that's marvellous. I'll start dressing immediately."
"Sadie, that's just what I wanted to hear you say. The tickets are for tomorrow night's performance."

Read all jokes from:Jewish (+6998)

The night out

An eight year old boy is walking

An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him.
"If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you $10 and a piece of candy."
The boy refuses and keeps on walking.
A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again. "How about $20 and two pieces of candy?"
The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking.
Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road. "OK," he says, "this is my final offer. I'll give you $50 and all the candy you can eat."
The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in. "Look," he says to the driver. "You bought the Chevrolet, Dad. You'll have to live with it!"

Read all jokes from:Kids (+2426)

An eight year old boy is walking

Loud, mad, or sad

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Read all jokes from:Medical (+1842)

Loud, mad, or sad

Alcohol Warning Labels

If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter!

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a truck at 100 yards.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a jerk.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-girlfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay things like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more handsome, and smarter than some really, really, really big biker guy named "Big Al."

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Read all jokes from:Bar (+1637)

Alcohol Warning Labels

Hunters From Prague

A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters. Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly.
The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the woods armed with torches, guns, spears, etc.

Soon they spot two bears on the horizon and everybody starts shooting at the bear that's closest to them.

"No, not that one," shouts the surviving hunter, "That's the female."

"The Czech is in the male."

Read all jokes from:Animals (+5200)

Hunters From Prague

A hermaphrodite

This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."

The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong?"

The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."

The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that?"

The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the... er... features... of a male and a female."

The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis... AND a brain?"

Read all jokes from:Men vs. Women (+5689)

A hermaphrodite

Top Things You Should Not Say To A Judge

1. "I got your community service right here pal!"

2. "Boy your chamber sure does look different with the lights on."

3. "You couldn't carry Wapner's gavel you moron!"

4. "You're not as easy to buy as others said you were."

5. "No you robe wearing geek."

6. "I don't suppose there's a "You get me off, I get you off" type of deal out there?"

7. "Just out of curiousity, are you wearing pants?"

Read all jokes from:Lists (+729)

Top Things You Should Not Say To A Judge

You Know You're In California When...

1. The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.

2. You were born somewhere else.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.

5. Your car has bulletproof windows.

6. Left is right and right is wrong.

7. Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

8. Your mouse has only one ball.

9. You need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up.

10. You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.

11. You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.

12. You drive to your neighborhood block party.

13. Your family tree contains 'significant others'.

14. Your cat has it's own psychiatrist.

15. You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.

16. You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.

17. More than clothes come out of the closets.

18. When 'the Dead' are best live.

19. You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

20. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.

21. More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.

22. Smoking in your office is not optional.

23. When you can't schedule a meeting because you must 'do lunch'.

24. Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.

25. Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.

26. You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.

27. You consult your horoscope before planning your day.

28. A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.

29. When all highways into the state say: 'no fruits'.

30. All highways out of the state say: 'Go back'.

31. You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

Read all jokes from:Lists (+728)

You Know You're In California When...

A man went to the doctor complaining

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you."

"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."

Read all jokes from:Men vs. Women (+5688)

A man went to the doctor complaining

5 stages of drunkenness

Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cause you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.

Read all jokes from:Bar (+1636)

5 stages of drunkenness

Shooting off

Three cowboys, one from Texas, one from Kansas and one from Oklahoma went into a bar bragging about who was the baddest of the three.

The Texan said watch this and yelled at the barmaid, "Hey barmaid, bring me a pitcher of beer and get your ass over here!"

When the barmaid got there the Texan guzzled down the whole pitcher, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off one of his fingers. She was startled.

The cowboy from Kansas yelled out, "Hey bitch, bring me a beer with a shot of tequila and get your ass over here with it!"

Upon the barmaid getting there he drank the beer and tequila down, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off two fingers. The barmaid was terrified at this, especially after just witnessing the Texan.

The Oklahoma cowboy spoke out and told the barmaid, "Honey, bring me a whole bottle of tequila and hurry!"

Upon her arrival, he drank the entire bottle of tequila, unzipped his pants and slams his dick on the table.

The barmaid screamed, "You aren't going to shoot that off are you?"

"Hell no ... I want you to kiss it. It will go off by itself."

Read all jokes from:Bar (+1635)

Shooting off